Something to Hold Onto
by Zellcan'twrite
Summary: Rose struggles to reconcile with the Doctor's recent regeneration during 'The Christmas Invasion.' Missing scene of sorts; oneshot.


**Something to Hold Onto**

Rose Tyler was sure she'd never had a more miserable Christmas.

Just yesterday (for her) she'd been so happy. She'd been in Kyoto with her two dearest friends, having the time of her life. She hadn't known she could laugh as hard as she did, and even the sometimes-taciturn Doctor had cracked a smile here and there. And Jack? Well, he'd been the one making them both laugh. How she had wished it could go on forever with just the three of them, seeing the universe together.

And now, it had all come to an end. She had lost Jack, whom apparently had stayed back to help the people rebuild. More importantly, she'd lost the Doctor. Well, _her_ Doctor, anyway. Because she didn't know this man, the man with the dark eyes and the dark hair and the bony shoulders, who was in his place.

Maybe he _was_ the Doctor, in some way. Even so, he was so alien to her. She'd just gotten to know him, or so it seemed. She'd gotten so used to his big ears, his bright blue eyes, his manic grin and the oft-repeated "Fantastic!" Now, she'd never see or hear those things again. It broke her heart. Somehow, it made her hate the man who was lying on the bed now. As though he was the one responsible for her Doctor's disappearance.

The worst part? This man _was_ the Doctor. Just not as she knew him.

Now, he was still going through…whatever he said he was going through (something along the lines of 'regeneration'?) while Rose was attacked by pilot fish and a Christmas Tree. Oh, she'd been under attack by some alien or other before. Who could forget the Dalek in Utah, or the Slitheen, or the nanogens? Somehow, though, those weren't so bad. Perhaps it was because he had always been by her side, and wasn't now. He'd been unable to help her when she'd been in danger this time. Either way, she was the most confused that she'd been in a long time, and he wasn't there to explain.

All in all, it was not a merry Christmas. At all.

To make matters worse, he was ill. She could feel his body temperature at a level way too high than was good for him, and could feel sweat dripping off his forehead as a result. He was convulsing slightly in his sleep, whimpering and moving around restlessly. If she didn't know that he was in fact still regenerating, then she'd say it was just a nightmare. And he'd gotten those quite a lot. However, she knew it had to be the pain from the regeneration. He'd screamed so terribly earlier, screamed so badly that even though he wasn't her Doctor, that he was in part responsible for his disappearance, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He was still a living creature clearly hurt, and her heart hurt with him.

The whimpering grew louder, even when Rose pushed the cool compress against his forehead. She wondered for a moment what it felt like to change as drastically as he had, besides being in such pain. It was probably a bit unsettling, like moving into a new house and having no idea where everything was. Everything was suddenly strange, and all familiar things had been swept under the rug or left behind.

Or not.

Rose suddenly realized that that wasn't quite the case. _She_ was familiar. Perhaps the Doctor had changed in his feelings towards her, perhaps not, but either way, he knew her. If he was still the Doctor she knew and cared about, then she knew exactly how she could help him.

Gently, she removed the cool compress from his forehead, setting it on the bedside table in case she needed it again. Then, she moved her now-free hand to rest on his forehead. The contact was burning to her, not the usual soothing coolness she associated with his skin. To him, though, her hand was probably quite cool.

"Ssh," she murmured as the whimpering continued. "I'm here, Doctor. I'm still here."

He opened his eyes weakly for a moment, looking right into her own. Once again, there was that painful reminder that this was not her Doctor. His eyes weren't blue anymore, but a deep brown. Somehow, though, the look in them as he looked at her was the same.

"It's okay," she continued, moving to smooth some of the longer, messier hair back from his forehead. Would he cut it short like his old hair had been? "It's alright. Just try to rest."

His eyes closed once more, and though he still seemed much to tense to be sleeping, he stopped whimpering.

Rose readjusted the sheets on the bed lightly, standing back to look at her handiwork. Now at least he looked a little calmer and more comfortable. The blonde sighed. This man was not the Doctor she knew (and loved), but perhaps he could be something to her. She might not have been ready for such a change to happen, but here it was.

It was up to her to react now.

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**Author's note:** _I need help with my titles, don't I? They're always so cliched. Or just generally silly._

_Aaaaanyway, so here's this fic. It takes place at some point during _The Christmas Invasion_, clearly. Probably very soon after they've gotten Ten back into bed after he tried saving them from the Christmas tree..._

_Either way, I figured both Rose would've been pretty disoriented and confused throughout the whole experience. At the same time, though, __she's an incredibly caring person. I tried to reconcile that caring with her own confusion and anger. __I hope she's not too OOC in my writing of her._

_Please review, preferably regarding better titles or characterization. Thanks :)_

* * *

**Author's note on 5/11/14:**_ Per _dancer4813's_ suggestion, this fic will now be titled 'Something to Hold Onto.' MUCH better than 'Change and Constants', don't you think?_


End file.
